


Don't tell me even when I need to know

by drifting_i



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Porn, Canon Compliant, Car Sex, First Time, GOD im sorry, M/M, Post-Episode: s12e12 Stuck In The Middle (With You), cas said 'i love you' and i cried so hard i had to write this, coda s12e12, season 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 05:57:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10075313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drifting_i/pseuds/drifting_i
Summary: Cas almost dies. Dean doesn't cope very well.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this episode............ fuck this episode  
> (also can you believe its canon cause Cas said 'I love you' to Dean a m a z i n g)

Cas is dying.

Oh and he loves him (them). Dean can't really think about it right now.

'Goddamn it Cas' Dean thinks.  
He takes a deep breath. This isn't over. He adjusts his brass knuckles.

\-------

Crowley vanishes and Cas is okay. Dean can now think about it.

He doesnt really want to.

"Cas, I dont think you're in condition to drive." Sam points at the ugly pick-up Cas has been driving. "You can go with Dean, I'll take your truck don't worry." And as a sign that the comment is true Cas doesn't protest, he gets into the Impala after a short 'take care, Mary' to Mom.

They say their goodbyes to Mom who, surprise! isn't coming with them. "I have to take care of" Her voice breaks, huh, who knew she cared so much about Wally.  
"Mom it's okay" Great, Sam is using his 'confort voice' which means that back at the bunker he's probably gonna sit Dean and Cas down and "talk about it"

'What's there to talk about' Dean thinks 'Cas almost...' he sighs and gets in the car.

The door closes. They are alone.

Cas looks almost as uncomfortable as Dean feels, he stays quiet while Dean starts the car and drives away from that fucking barn. Its always fucking barns with him. 

\-------

The car ride is long even without the tension thats been following them since they left Sam. Dean can't stop looking at Cas, he looks so tired, almost about to fall asleep, with his head against the window and his eyes almost closed. 

Cas sleeping is never good.

“Hey, man. Wake up” Dean reacts without wanting to. But if Cas falls asleep it means that he isn’t okay and if he isn't okay Dean will lose it.

“I wasn't sleeping” Cas huffs, annoyed, and turns to look at him.

“Yeah and you weren’t dying back there” Dean swallows the lump on his throat “What? It's been long enough that we can joke about it right?” 

“It's only been like an hour” Cas’ glare is strong but he has a small smile on his lips for a few seconds. Dean lets go of a breath he didn't know was holding.

‘Iloveyou’

“Fucking hell” Dean mutters under his breath and steps on the gas.

\-------

And of course cause the universe loves Dean Winchester a storm leaves them stuck in the middle of a back road in their way to Kansas, they have to turn off the car because the rain is too heavy to see two feet in front of them.

Dean has known Cas for a very long time. There's no reason for this much tension.

‘Iloveyou’ 

Oh right.

They don't talk, Dean keeps stealing glances of Cas until he gets caught and they keep pretending the other wasn't staring. 

Dean is going insane.

“Dean” Cas takes a deep breath. “About what I said” Goddamn it Cas.

“I dont want you to feel uncomfortable about it” Cas looks like he's been planing his words for hours, knowing him he probably did.

“Why would I feel uncomfortable?” Dean asks cause he hates himself that much.

“You know why” Cas voice turns harder. Shit he was hoping they wouldn't have to do this until well, ever but he knows Cas knows him too well and he also knows Cas doesn't pretend things didn't happen.

“Yeah okay” Lets get this over with.

“I... I wish there would have been another moment. I didn't want it to be like that” The fucker actually looks guilty, like hes the only one affected.

“Yeah it shouldn't have been like that” Deans surprised by how much anger his voice carries but he can't stop thinking about how fucked up the whole situation was, “You shouldn't have said that shit. Not like that.”

Cas flinches “Dea-” 

“No. Don’t ‘Dean’ me. For fucks sake Cas. Your lasts words were gonna be-”

The thunder and rain sound so far away.

“Just like that. In front of everyone.”

Dean grabs the steering wheel so hard his knuckles go white.

“You couldn't even look at me in the eye. You fucking coward.” Dean gasps when a fist connects with his cheek.

“Don't fucking call me that.” Cas shoves him against the door, angry like in that alley thousands of years ago. “Don't you dare call me that.” He shoves him again and gets closer. “Dean Winchester, loving you has been the most terrifying thing I've done but I did it anyway. You. Don't. Have. The. Right.” 

“I had to say it. You had to know.”

Dean isn't sure who moves first.

One of his hands grips the blood soaked trenchcoat and the other is on Cas hair, both holding on for dear life, Cas tastes like blood and pure energy. He's sure that lightning tastes the same. But lightning doesn't straddle him and bite. Lightning doesn't grind.

“Fuck you” Dean mutters against Cas jaw, “I really thought I was gonna lose you.”

Cas moans “I really thought I was gonna die” He stops and looks for Dean's eyes “You had to know.” 

“Fuck” Dean kisses him hard, hes tired of blood but he kisses him until he can taste it until hes sure this is real. “Im still pissed, we don’t do death speeches you know that.” He pulls away to look at Cas in the eye. “If I had lost you after you said tha-” He can’t stand it, those blue eyes have always been too much and not enough. “I would have burned everything down.” He knows that this is true after he says it.

Cas is completly still on top of him. The only noise is the storm.

He catches Dean off guard again, he tends to do that, and pushes him against the leather seat, “I’m sorry.” his voice drops. “Let me make it up to you.” 

Dean’s belt is tossed to the back seat. Oh. 

Cas’ fingers are fast and steady,unbuttoning Dean’s pants, but his breathing is all kinds of fucked up and it gets worse when Dean begins to undo his belt as well. Cas shoves him again “Let me take care of you” Dean’s whine gets cut off with a groan when Cas takes him on his hand “I want to take care of you” he starts picking up the pace, Dean grabs his arm and manhandles him until hes pressed against the radio “Cas I love your initiative but I wasn't the one to almost die” Dean reaches out and grabs both his and Cas’ erection “Let me be good to you” Cas cries out when Dean starts grinding againt his hand, they both rut against eachother, the air filled with moans and emotion.

“I’m close” Dean pants.

“S-stop ah” Cas slaps his hand away “I want you inside” he says this with so much confidence that Dean can’t speak “Please Dean” he fucking begs.

“The duffle bag in the back seat” Dean manages to say between kisses. “We don't need that” Cas eyeroll is visible even in the dark of the car.

“Holy shit” Dean should really thank someone for angels grace.

Cas sinks in slowly, his moans catching on Deans mouth who cant seem to stop kissing him, after a few painfully long seconds he starts to fuck himself down on Dean’s cock and Dean isn’t sure he’s alive anymore. Cas is so tight and remembering that he isn't even prepped messes with Dean in so many levels, but he’s so eager, he moans with every thrust throwing his head back so Dean marks him, leaving bites all over his neck, half of his bloodied shirt buttons undone, exposing his chest. Dean can’t stop seeing the black cracks that climbed up his neck so he bites down on Cas collarbones harder drawing a broken whine that sounds like his name. “I can't lose you” Dean whispers against Cas’ jaw, and grabs his cock and strokes at the same rythm of Cas’ quick thrusts. Dean is so close and Cas pace is getting erratic, Dean drags his hand up and down Cas length until Cas gasps and fucks himself faster.  
“I need you, Castiel” Dean cries out when he comes, his voice breaking.

“Dean” Cas isn’t far behind when Dean keeps stroking him like that, all of the Impala’s lights turn on, the silence broken with the estatic of his grace.

They both keep breathing heavily. Cas gets off Dean and returns to the copilot seat, “I take it back” his voice gives away his smile “This has been the best part of my life.”

Dean laughs until he can’t breathe.

\-------

“Was the storm really that bad?” Sam asks after the bunker’s garage door is closed behind them “You guys left ten minutes before I did and arrived here fifty miutes after me” 

“Yes.... the storm” Cas walks faster to the kitchen.

“What happened to his tie?” Sam opens the backseast door to take the bags out “Well arent you Mr. Detective today?” Dean starts following Cas.

“Dude what the hell why is your belt on the car’s flo- oh my god”

“Shut the fuck up Sam”

**Author's Note:**

> its 1:41 am what am i doing


End file.
